Drivers’ Ed: A Whole New Meaning of Trust

Our 15 1/2 year old daughter is finally taking drivers ed.  She wasn’t ready before now and we didn’t push her.   Who would want to push a child to drive who tells you they are not ready?!

Well, as she approaches her 16th birthday, the thought of “freedom” is just too much, and she is ready to drive.  She has her pink slip now and wants to practice as much as possible.  Her permit is just days away.  This experience of letting go of the steering wheel and allowing her to learn and practice and learn some more, is a new way for us to look at the meaning of trust.

1) Is she reliable? Well, not yet.  She remembers to check her rear view mirror, make sure her seat is in the right position and that her seat belt is fastened.  But, she is still working on keeping a consistent speed and stopping at a safe distance.

Are we reliable? Well, not yet.  I tell her that I believe in her, but there are moments when I have my doubts and tell her what to do–probably more than she would like.  That is when she doubts herself and I realize that I should just keep my mouth shut.

2) Is she open?  Yes.  She tells us everything about how she is doing in the class, what she learns with her driving instructor, and what she does not like from us when we “help” her when she practices.

Are we open?  Yes.  Maybe too much.  We feel free to tell her when she might be driving too close to the curb or that if she was not careful, one of us might have died.  That is probably too much openness right now.

3) Is she competent?  Not quite.  She improves each time she gets behind the wheel, but there are still things she needs to learn about, like slowing down in a round-about.

Are we competent? It depends on what we are talking about. We have been driving for 30+ years more than she has, so we know a lot about driving, but we do not know a lot about teaching driving to a 15-year old.  I have great admiration for the folks who do this day in and day out.

4) Is she compassionate?  Hmmm.  Tough question.  She is pretty self-interested right now.   Being a good driver is in her own best interest, so she is really not looking out for anyone else, except she has no desire to run over someone who might run out into the street in front of her car.

Are we compassionate?  Hmmmm.  We are trying so hard.  We know how hard she is trying and how much she wants to be independent and so we bite our tongue when she brakes a bit too hard or when she takes a turn a bit too quickly.  But, when she almost took the side mirror off the car door, I was not so silent.

I guess we are all on a new path towards mutual trust.  It is a whole new arena for us and it will take time.  I know someday we will look back and laugh at this as my mother is now doing when she reflects on how she taught me to drive.  That will only take me another 30+ years.

-karen